Good enough (The irony of existence)

Friday early morning God touched my heart, while I was still on my bed and made me remember some verses spoken to me in psalm 139…Saying that He knew me in the womb while I was being made.

Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee.

For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother’s womb.

I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.

My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.

Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them.

Psalms 139:12‭-‬16 KJV

When I described my existence I’d believed that I was conceived in dishonour and brought in shame. I’m sure people all around did not support my mom’s pregnancy, being 16 yr old and still in High school. I probably was not wanted…my existence was, to me, a threat to her future in everyone’s eyes, a shame, a dishonour and reproach. Hence the spirit of rejection and fear assigned to me. I had grown up and walked as one who had been rejected and unloved. I had so much fear that I was nothing. I resented that I was even here because I thought that if my mom waited to have me, She would be better off financially, meaning we would not have struggled. I was angry at the world and I blamed her, for I did not ask to be here in this God-forsaken world. Little did I realise that it was the enemy sowing seeds of fear, anger, rejection and pain to destroy me from the beginning.

Here’s a revelation of the Holy Spirit: God chose me. Despite the negativity and lack of support around her, He told my mom to keep me (whether she was aware of Him speaking or not), and to name me. He said I thought it would be a good idea to have you in my kingdom. I wanted you.

If God wanted me all along then that means me being is okay. It is good that I am.

Jesus also had a very humble beginning. He was born in a manger…like where the animals lounge around and poop. Joseph did not understand. As far as he knew, Jesus was a bastard child– in the natural that is what one could see; yet in the spiritual it was no less than a miraculous virginal conception. He was told to marry her anyway. Clearly when things are happening in the spirit realm it is often mistaken for another thing. It often looks like the opposite thing. Which is why we must speak out those things that be as though they were(Romans 4:17).

In the Spirit realm the Angels were singing because the firstborn of all creation chose to come down from his most holy station in God’s care and walk with us in utmost humility and submission and obedience to the law and God’s spirit. He lived with us on earth and taught us what God our Father had taught him. He’d then become that acceptable sacrifice to die as Adam and rise in victory as Christ Emmanuel. He died for a nation who hated Him. But he prayed for them and loved them anyway.

[Notes: The irony of God works in mysterious ways in that the Son of the Most high had come down and live a lowly life. He was poor but not poor in spirit. He died as an felon/criminal but he was innocent. He was to the pharisees a heretic and an apostate of sorts but He knew the law and He understood the heartbeat of God and his will. They were one.] God is full of ironies; you’ll see that in the bible a lot. People call them contradictions…but we need God’s wisdom to understand (and He will share if we ask) the irony of His love though we never earned it, nor do we deserve it.

The irony of my existence is that because of God’s wise sacrifice, I am not a victim but a now victor. I am good enough. My calling is glorious and honourable. Though I have been small, God will use me to do great and many things. Faith as little as a mustard seed (tiny thing–the size of this–> o ) can allow you to reach greater heights, as it is our spiritual blood and currency.

The Lord is the portion of mine inheritance and of my cup: thou maintainest my lot.

The lines are fallen unto me in pleasant places; yea, I have a goodly heritage.
Psalms 16:5‭-‬6 KJV

God is my portion. He is of my cup (always full, never lacking any thing). He maintains my lot and makes it secure, meaning He makes even what I have/ what I’ve done (even my mistakes) good enough.

What is the irony of your existence? What does this all mean to you?  Think about it. OR Leave a comment below, if you like.

 

May the sun kiss you after the rain hits you,

Ashe,

Peace Lillian.

 

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P.S. If God puts it on your heart to make a donation I would really appreciate it as I’ve been struggling financially, still looking for a job but also walking by faith and trusting in God’s provision. You can do that here.

Thanks so much.

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Some of my people do not hear me as they should…

Some of my people stopped believing in Me because they wanted to see the miracle but did not see what I wanted them to see.

Voiceless opinions are uttered in silence; closed doors, faithless whispers in the dark– I hear them.

People that don’t believe in Me never see their breakthroughs. Half of what I said goes unheard because they don’t listen. Quiet yourself and listen. Be still and know that I AM God. I am mighty to save. I can handle your struggle. I will bring whatever needs to pass.

They are afraid to admit their wrongs for fear that I am right. People living in denial of Me and My true [living] power.

 

Watch this video–it’s mind boggling and what he says is really amazing! :-O

The true friend

Long ago, I grew up in an environment that did not embrace who I truly was. I was scorned, rejected, and made fun of.

The friends I had turned out not to be true friends. And, I made unintentional mistakes that hurt people, that I wish I could apologise for.

I used to think that no one liked me. I know what it’s like to be really lonely.

A few days ago, I was reading and meditating on a passage from the bible about Yah’s love.

1 John 4:16

16 And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.

18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.

One of the errors I make is that I live and socialize as though I am rejected. I have felt rejected and marginalized in the past, so now I reject myself before anybody gets a chance to by isolating myself, rejecting them before they reject me. I truly do belong where I choose to and it doesn’t matter what people think, say or do to me. I’m going to be my own best friend.

For the new year I made a decision that I wanted to learn to love others, take another step in loving God, and in loving who I was created to be, as well as embracing my gifts.

I put my hair in locks this year. I began to realise that I had been vain with my looks and the beauty of my thick, luscious natural hair, and how it requires so much time and so much maintenance and care; I don’t have time for that anymore. My identity was entirely wrapped up in the coils of my hair. I then began the process of liberating myself from defining myself by my hair and by the way I look. It’s a hard thing to do as a woman in a society that grades the value of a woman based on her looks, but I took the leap anyway.

Everyday requires you to leap once more. You don’t know when you’re landing, or if you will land at all.

The way I define my beauty is entirely different. I don’t see myself as “beautiful” or even “ugly”. I don’t look in the mirror as much and don’t need to. I’m just focusing on cultivating beauty from within. As within, so without.

I look the way I choose to. This is pleasing to my God. Some people may not like my locks but I guess what? My hair+my rules= don’t care. Some people exercise great nerve in telling people how to live their lives. Isn’t it that whatever is esteemed in the eyes of man is despised by God? I’m not doing anything wrong. Let me express myself. I chose to be free so let me be. If that’s what you want, liberate yourself. But don’t you dare try to squeeze me into a box of what your mind can conceive.

These verses made me realise that where love is, God is. I can be one with God in Love, true love for the people. No more hatred, no more anger, and much forgiveness. But also in truly loving and embracing myself-balance is key. If there is love within, God will prosper in me as a vessel. If my cup is overflowing I’ll be sure to give.

No one is perfect. I don’t read scripture every day. I pray when the feeling strikes.I try to follow the Law, and also do right by others. God would want me to Love my enemies. All we can ever do in the midst of this spiritual battle is pray for them. An act of love. Entrust them to God. Everything just works itself out. 

I don’t want anything. I don’t need anything. I am just thankful for everything I have. Even though I have nothing. But I have love; so I do have everything. I found the true friend from within-I found God.