The new season: Letting it go

Woulda, coulda, shoulda– let’s live life now. It’ll all work out. Right?

I feel like letting go has always been something something God has been telling me to do in this new season lately. By day three of my fast I understood that my life had to be purged and cleansed of everything that didn’t belong before I head into the new season of my life starting in Africa.

This will mark the end of the old and into the new. I am being birthed into a new life. My spiritual initiation. I’m going to look forward now. I’m going to make better decisions, decisions for my well-being. I want to do great things.

Jeremiah 29:11-13

11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

12 Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you.

13 And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.

God has a plan for me. Plans for me. I’m looking forward to giving myself into things that really matter right now. I’m leaving out the rest. I’m sold out.

I’m hoping to get baptised in Uganda. What a day that will be. 🙂


The new season: Preparation

Over the past few weeks, I realised that God had called me to a period of celibacy. When I finally accepted it, I felt like the enemy had been sending me distractions left and right. I am telling you, it has not been easy. But God got a hold of me and asked me to go on a 3 day-absolute fast.

On the first day of my fast I watched a sermon about what it truly means to revel in our season of singleness, during which I know God was with me, whispering messages “in between the lines”.

God had spoken so much to me about what I needed to be doing. What I need to be focusing on, like by blog, my unfinished books, my reading, my calling in God, and on God himself.

His Spirit then whispered, Go back. At first I didn’t know what he was referring to, but then I realised/thought  He was maybe referring to me going back to school during the fall semester. Previously been contemplating if I should take a break from school or leave altogether because I lost the inspiration to be what I set out to be because I felt like I had failed.  

Like, I’m not good at it. Why do you want me to go back? You want me to make a fool of myself? Do it all over again? What if I fail again? What if I can’t do this?

Trust me.

I just began to cry. I know that this is something that God will help me deal with in time. It’s a constant struggle that I have with God. I literally wrestle with God everyday because I just like to be comfortable. But God is calling me a little bit higher today, for tomorrow and to leave the past behind. So fasting in a way, is my period of humbling and hiding.

He then led me to a scripture in 1 Samuel 17-18 about David. I felt like God had given me a blue-print or an example to look up to. Here are the qualities that I observed:

-He was a good example of righteousness, wisdom;

-He trusted in God, but he was often looked down upon and undermined because he was a shepherd boy, young and good-looking( “of fair countenance”-1 Sam. 17:42);

-He didn’t listen to flattery which saved him from traps of his enemy;

-He had a cool head and he “kept it together”;

-Holiness; courage; fierceness for the Lord;

By the end of the two chapters, I realised that even though the enemy had set traps for him to fall into, David escaped them. He behaved himself wisely (sam 18:14) and God was with him. In proverbs we learn that the spirit of wisdom keeps you. God kept him safe in his ways because ways are wisdom. Selah.

I know that you favour me, because my enemies do not triumph against me. (Psalm 41:11)

I remembered some time ago that the Spirit had told me that I resembled David in that I was after his own heart (He knew him too, so I’m inclined to believe him!), that he was small (in size) and a bit meek but was able to do big things through God.

Whatever I’m going through right now is just a training ground for God to use me and to grow towards Him in Love. He is making me like Him. Up until recently, I had always felt like I was too small to matter. I felt like I was too small to do anything great and worthwhile. Though I am small, I am fierce! fiya!

I encourage you do some reading about David. I find it really inspiring.