Over the past few weeks, I realised that God had called me to a period of celibacy. When I finally accepted it, I felt like the enemy had been sending me distractions left and right. I am telling you, it has not been easy. But God got a hold of me and asked me to go on a 3 day-absolute fast.
On the first day of my fast I watched a sermon about what it truly means to revel in our season of singleness, during which I know God was with me, whispering messages “in between the lines”.
God had spoken so much to me about what I needed to be doing. What I need to be focusing on, like by blog, my unfinished books, my reading, my calling in God, and on God himself.
His Spirit then whispered, Go back. At first I didn’t know what he was referring to, but then I realised/thought He was maybe referring to me going back to school during the fall semester. Previously been contemplating if I should take a break from school or leave altogether because I lost the inspiration to be what I set out to be because I felt like I had failed.
Like, I’m not good at it. Why do you want me to go back? You want me to make a fool of myself? Do it all over again? What if I fail again? What if I can’t do this?
I just began to cry. I know that this is something that God will help me deal with in time. It’s a constant struggle that I have with God. I literally wrestle with God everyday because I just like to be comfortable. But God is calling me a little bit higher today, for tomorrow and to leave the past behind. So fasting in a way, is my period of humbling and hiding.
He then led me to a scripture in 1 Samuel 17-18 about David. I felt like God had given me a blue-print or an example to look up to. Here are the qualities that I observed:
-He was a good example of righteousness, wisdom;
-He trusted in God, but he was often looked down upon and undermined because he was a shepherd boy, young and good-looking( “of fair countenance”-1 Sam. 17:42);
-He didn’t listen to flattery which saved him from traps of his enemy;
-He had a cool head and he “kept it together”;
-Holiness; courage; fierceness for the Lord;
By the end of the two chapters, I realised that even though the enemy had set traps for him to fall into, David escaped them. He behaved himself wisely (sam 18:14) and God was with him. In proverbs we learn that the spirit of wisdom keeps you. God kept him safe in his ways because ways are wisdom. Selah.
I know that you favour me, because my enemies do not triumph against me. (Psalm 41:11)
I remembered some time ago that the Spirit had told me that I resembled David in that I was after his own heart (He knew him too, so I’m inclined to believe him!), that he was small (in size) and a bit meek but was able to do big things through God.
Whatever I’m going through right now is just a training ground for God to use me and to grow towards Him in Love. He is making me like Him. Up until recently, I had always felt like I was too small to matter. I felt like I was too small to do anything great and worthwhile. Though I am small, I am fierce! fiya!
I encourage you do some reading about David. I find it really inspiring.